Tuesday, November 10, 2009

An Overlooked Tradition

For all of you who like Thanksgiving but always have to spend it with your attention starved families who need you to be with them and eat their food, there's a solution.

I introduce to you: Fakesgiving

Fakesgiving is a tradition started by the Native Americans and Pilgrims who didn't get invited to the original Thanksgiving. They set up all their tables about a hundred yards from the jerks and had a way better time. And the Thanksgiving crowd knew it because the Fakesgiving crowd was a lot louder about all of their fun. The real gas of the night was when the Iroquois hunter Compound Bow gave John Smith a really loud raspberry during his list of thank yous. After they recovered (one old guy actually died from laughing, which caused even more guffaws) the Fakesgivers went through a round of Fake Things to Be Fake Thankful For.

Here's how to host your own.

1. Get friends.
2. Have those friends bring a dish to eat.
3. Dish can either be traditional or non-traditional Thanksgiving food.
4. Eat that hodgepodge mess.
5. Have the table go around and tell what they're fake thankful for. Sarcasm and irony is encouraged.
6. Instead of a post meal nap, a lively game is in order. Charades, Apples to Apples, Celebrity, etc.
7. People take their stuff home and don't stuff other people's fridges.
8. Watch the Matrix like the original Fakesgivingers did.

Good. Now you're on your way to a Sappy Fakesgiving. Don't dawdle. Get some friends.